Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
