You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
