the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
