also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
