I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
