I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
