At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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