oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
