You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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