Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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