Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize