dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize