hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
