Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
