there was a trapeze. enough said
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
