At least make sure they are 18
Why
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
