Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize