Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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