he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
