just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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