I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
