are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize