Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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