so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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