You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
