I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
