why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
