She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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