there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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