i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize