There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
