I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
