I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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