and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize