White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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