The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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