His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
