HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
