I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
