DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
