Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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