While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
