There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
