he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
