Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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