isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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