NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I love having hate sex.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize