I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Holy sore nipples Batman
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
