the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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