After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
