Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
