My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
