Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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