i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
