Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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