Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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