I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
