I can't breathe out the right side of my face
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
