Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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